


The Notebook

by Thursday26



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friends to Lovers, Light Angst, M/M, Misunderstandings, Oneshot, ukai is awesome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-23
Updated: 2020-02-23
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:48:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22862770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thursday26/pseuds/Thursday26
Summary: Hinata accidentally finds someone's diary and accidentally opens up a can of worms. Nekoma cameo.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio
Comments: 22
Kudos: 215





	The Notebook

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sarahenany](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarahenany/gifts).



> Second story. I am working through everything old that's been sitting around for a while, so please forgive me if you're waiting for the longer fics! I am working on them, I swear! I hope you enjoy this! 
> 
> they're so stupid and i love them both....

Shoyou has made a habit to be the last one to leave the space where the team meets, either at tournaments or at practice matches. Too many times has he forgotten one thing or another, so he refuses to allow it to happen anymore. He’d rather be the last one to the bus than be the one who has to rush back to collect whatever he forgot. To date, he’s forgotten his lunch box (and had Shimizu-senpai see his embarrassing wrap), his jacket, one of his gym shoes, a water bottle, and in one memorable instance, his whole bag. Shouyou can’t deny that he’s somewhat forgetful, but he has to figure out a way to make it seem like he wouldn’t forget his head if he didn’t have it attached to his shoulders. 

So he’s stayed behind, shooing Shimizu-senpai away, and taking his time to make sure that he has everything before zipping up his bag. He’s counted everything three times: two shoes, two knee pads, his jerseys, his water bottle, and cellphone. He’s wearing his sports jacket and spare shirt, as well as his track pants and outdoor shoes. He’s ready to go! 

Shouyou stands with a smile on his face. This will be the first time he hasn’t forgotten something, but it definitely won’t be the last time. He’s certain of it! 

But…

To be sure…

He looks over the space again, scanning it and making sure that nothing escaped his notice (even though he counted!). Nothing unusual. The floors are clean, no garbage or spare clothes, all that’s left is him. Or… there’s an odd shadow beside a display case. There’s a natural shadow there, but there seems to be something darker in there. Curious, Shouyou reaches down, surprised to have his fingers meet something other than the floor, and picks up a small notebook. It’s about half the size of a regular notebook and all black. There are no words on it, but the binding seems to be well used. 

Even more curious, Shouyou flips the pages, surprised to see how much is written in it. About three-quarters of the book is full of writing. He goes to the front page, looking for contact information, but that part has been left blank. The first thing written in it looks to be a journal entry. There’s no date, just large chunks of written thought. 

Skimming it, Shouyou can’t make out any identifying information. Any time a name is used, the writer only puts a letter. It could mean anything. He keeps on flipping through the pages, trying to find anything. If this is a journal, he needs to make sure it gets back to its rightful owner. Shouyou wouldn’t want his innermost thoughts just lying around for anyone to read. Even if he can’t tell who it belongs to yet. 

Then something catches his eye near the end of the entries. He stops on that page and focuses. It looks like a poem? And it’s familiar? They did just cover poetry in class, but Shouyou is bad at remembering that stuff. And, if he’s honest, poetry is kind of frustrating. Why don’t people just say what they mean instead of using weird words? Why does it have to mean so many things? Poetry would be so much better if people just said what they wanted to say without trying to make it sound cool. But this poem looks familiar…

> _You found me at my nadir_
> 
> _When despair attained new heights_
> 
> _I was cold to you_
> 
> _Unfeeling_
> 
> _You drew me out_
> 
> _Made me feel_
> 
> _Nourished my soul_
> 
> _Made me love again_

It’s scratched in the book in handwriting that’s almost familiar, but everyone has similar handwriting right? They teach everyone the same movements so it’s all the same. And what does this poem even mean? Shouyou frowns in frustration. What’s a nadir? 

> _I don't know what a nadir is..._

Shouyou snorts. This person doesn’t know either! Yet they still felt the need to write it down. Weird.

> _...but it sounds like something really bad._

Shouyou stops laughing, going back to read the poem again. Huh. It probably _is_ something bad. But why can’t the poet just _say_ bad? Why do they have to use a weird word? 

> _And I don’t know why I wanted to copy this poem down…although... I guess I do. When I read it, I feel stuff, but when I try to think about what it is, it gets all jumbled in my head and I can’t make it make sense. Even though when I look at it, it makes perfect sense._

Shouyou frowns, eyes darting up to read the poem again. What feelings? Shouyou only feels annoyed. He’s read this poem three times now and it makes less sense than it did the first time, except he _might_ know what a nadir is. What could this person possibly be feeling when they read this poem? 

> _Maybe writing down everything can make it make sense… so maybe I can stop thinking about it so much. It’s distracting me because I’m around him so often and… I… I feel._

Shouyou swallows heavily. This is something that he shouldn’t be reading, but his curiosity is getting the better of him. He can’t stop. He has to know what happens next. The poem didn’t make him feel anything, but what this person is saying is making his heart flutter. What would it be like to be who this person is writing about? What kind of person can be so distracting? He knows of one person like that, but he’s sure that he’s the only one who thinks they’re distracting.

> _I’ve had what I would’ve called friends before… but they weren’t really friends. Colleagues maybe. They were there, then they weren’t… like being at the top of a mountain! Or… in a parking lot when it’s dark and cold and the last bus has gone... He really… he drew me out… showed me the sunlight… what it’s like to be_ **_warm_** _. And I didn’t want to let him. I fought with him every day, calling him names, but he stayed there. He_ ** _stayed_** _and what have I done to deserve that?_

Who is this mystery person? They sound amazing. And who is the writer? They sound… deep. What they said about the mountain and the parking lot… that’s probably poetic and it’s something Shouyou can _understand_. So it’s already obviously better. Shouyou feels his stomach twist. He wonders what it’s like to be someone’s sunshine, what it’s like to warm someone like this person has warmed this writer. They have to be someone special.

> _Even when I was cruel, he stood up for me! Why? I deserved harsher words. Worse words, but he was there, sunlight and guardian angel. I knew I was gone, long before we learned to play together._

Play together? They play on the same team? What do they play? Shouyou’s heart starts to beat faster. Why? He’s not sure, but it’s going.

> _No matter how angry I got, no matter what I did, he stayed at my side, all smiles and sunlight and_ **_warmth_ ** _. Maybe… maybe I should try writing something_ **_to_ ** _him instead of just talking about him… he won’t see this anyway and maybe I’ll be able to say something different next time I see him._

Shouyou sucks in a breath. He didn’t mean to read the next part, but the sections are so close together. It’s only the name of the person the writer wants to talk to. It’s only the name, but Shouyou feels like he might die when he sees it.

> _Hinata Shouyou_

That’s _his_ name. That’s Shouyou’s name! And other variations are written underneath it.

> _Hinata Shouyou_
> 
> _Hinata-san_
> 
> _Hinata-kun_
> 
> _Shouyou-san_
> 
> _Shouyou… that’s the one. Shouyou._

Shouyou isn’t sure he’s breathing. His team has to be waiting for him–they probably assume that he’s in the bathroom–but he can’t stop reading. He can’t stop now. This is something written _to him_. He flips the page, needing to read the next part.

> _Shouyou…_

It’s written again, each stroke done with care. He can tell because the strokes are sure, but the page is hardly indented. Like the word was written like the paper would shatter with too much pressure.

> _...I feel stupid writing this to you. Why am I doing this?_

Shouyou wishes he knew the answer. Maybe he’d be able to make sense of the emotions swirling inside him. He can’t make any sort of sense of them other than “Blargeh!” and it has his stomach all twisty and his heart racing and the blood rushing to his cheeks. What is he feeling? 

> _I’ve seen movies, seen posters for them, heard girls screaming about some male lead being “romantic,” I’ve heard music about love, had to read stories and books for classes, but it all seemed so stupid. How can one feeling change everything? How can love change everything? How can it change something so… normal? Like going to classes, or going to practice? Or the rush of winning a game? Why is it so much better with you at my side? Or am I at yours?_

This is someone on his team. Someone he plays with.

> _Does it matter though? I might’ve cared before, but I don’t care who is at who’s side, as long as you’re there Shouyou… a piece of sunshine I didn’t know I needed._

Shouyou definitely isn’t breathing. This is sounding more and more familiar, a voice starting to take shape in his head, but Shouyou doesn’t dare hope. Nothing ever happens so easily for him. He’s always had to work for everything, work extra hard! It can’t be this easy… 

> _Maybe I should read you that poem… I know you hate poetry, but maybe you can hear what I feel when I read it… even if I don’t know what nadir means. But it’s true. I had nothing before I met you, even if we hated each other when we first met. No team, no friends, and by chance we came to Karasuno. I hated it. I hated you… or… maybe I never did. Because the amount of what I feel for you is exactly the same, or maybe even more. No, it’s definitely more now._
> 
> _When I look at you, I feel like I might explode! Every time you smile at me, I think I might die. And you_ **_always_ ** _smile, Shouyou. Do you understand how weak you’ve made my heart?_

Shouyou thinks he might have an idea with how his heart is reacting reading this. Does he really mean so much to one person? It can’t be real.

> _...I wish I could call you Shouyou to your face, but I don’t deserve to have that. Not with the way I’ve acted… this has gotten long… how come whenever I think of you the words don’t stop inside, but I can’t say anything to you? You look at me and everything stops._
> 
> _It’s stupid how movies can be so right and so wrong. Everything stops, the colors are brighter, but everything is still the same. Same places, same volleyball, same smile, but so so much more. So much more… I don’t think this helped me at all. I’m more confused and scared and… in love. Fuck._
> 
> _How hard can it be to say “I love you Hinata Shouyou”?_

Shoyou’s fingers are hurting from how hard he’s gripping the book. The confession is squished in the bottom of the page, just before he has to turn it. Shouyou definitely shouldn’t be reading this, but he turns the page. The next words are spaced out over the next page…

> _I, Kageyama Tobio, love you, Hinata Shouyou_

Shouyou slams the book shut, unable to read anymore. His chest hurts, but that’s because he’s stopped breathing and his lungs are burning. His eyes sting with tears. Kageyama knows about his feelings and now he’s making fun of him. No one would leave a journal in such a place, for anyone to find, with such embarrassing things written in it. No, no one would remove such an item from their bedroom. 

Shouyou has never seen Kageyama writing in it ever, but he must have been planning this prank for a long time, since so much of the book is full. He can’t believe it. Shouyou feels like his heart might stop beating. He knew Kageyama was mean, but he didn’t know he was _cruel_. The stupidest part is that there’s still part of Shouyou that wishes what was written is true. 

He’s heard people call him a “ball of sunshine” before and he’s always thought it was a great thing, but now he hates it. It feels like something that makes him who he is can be used to hurt him so badly. It’s supposed to be _nice_ , giving people warmth and happiness, but all Shouyou feels is cold and empty. “Oh there you are,” a familiar voice says. The last voice Shouyou wants to hear. Even though he heard it in his head while he read through this “journal.”

He looks up and Kageyama freezes in place, eyes going wide. “What’s wrong?” he asks. He looks concerned and it makes Shouyou sick to his stomach. Kageyama has to be the best actor he knows. How long was he going to pretend to be Shouyou’s friend? 

“Found your book,” Shouyou says, brushing past him and slamming the notebook into Kageyama’s chest. Kageyama makes a noise and catches the book before it falls to the ground. Shoyou doesn’t stop. He doesn’t need to. His face is burning and he wants to go home. 

“My...?” Kageyama asks behind him. Then there’s a moment of silence. “Shit. Wait, Hinata, please.” Shouyou ignores him, increasing his pace to put more distance between them. “Sho–”

Shouyou spins and Kageyama stops in place, leaning back with wide eyes. “ _Don’t_ call me that,” Shouyou snarls. “Don’t you ever call me that.” Something happens in Kageyama’s eyes, but Shouyou doesn’t care. He’s never felt so betrayed before. 

He wipes his eyes and continues back to the bus without Kageyama. Or maybe Kageyama follows him, but does he care? No. He doesn’t. He doesn’t care that he can hear the echo of footsteps following him. The entire time, he pretends that the echo comes from the empty hallway, even as he gets outside.

Daichi and Ukai-san are waiting outside the bus, talking about something. They are smiling and relaxed. Shouyou can see Takeda-chan sitting in the driver’s seat, but twisted around, probably talking to the team while they wait. He hates that he’s made them wait so long. “Ah, Hinata, there you are. Got every…” Daichi says, but his voice trails off when Shouyou gets closer. “What happened?” 

That gets Ukai-san’s attention and he turns to look at Shouyou. His eyes widen. Shouyou wipes his face again, hating that he can feel that his cheeks are wet. “Nothing,” Shouyou says, brushing past the captain and coach and boarding the bus without another word. 

And it feels like everyone is looking at him, the bus suddenly oddly silent. Shouyou doesn’t stop though, heading for his regular seat… the one next to Kageyama. He doesn’t look at anyone as he takes his seat, shoving his bag under it, and pointedly looks out the window. Kageyama enters the bus a few moments later. He knows that it’s Kageyama because the bus seems to go even more silent and he can feel when Kageyama takes the seat beside him. He doesn’t try to bother being subtle in turning as far away from Kageyama as he possibly can. Shouyou doesn’t want to touch him, even accidentally. 

Shouyou refuses to look at him, even if his eyes catch Kageyama’s reflection in the window. It feels like the whole team is staring at the pair of them, but Shouyou won’t look away from the window. He watches Kageyama’s reflection sink down in his seat until he’s hidden behind Shouyou. “Alright. Everyone’s here, sensei. Let’s go,” Ukai-san says, breaking through the silence with a confident voice. Why can’t Shouyou be brave like Ukai-san? 

“R-Right,” Takeda-chan says and the bus rumbles to life. Then they’re off. Simple as that. Moving, even though it feels like there’s a gaping hole inside his chest, Even though it feels like he’s been hollowed out and left behind in that hallway. Shouyou wishes he’d never seen that stupid book.

No one speaks for the entire ride home. Shouyou keeps his eyes out the window, sometimes wiping at his cheeks when he can feel a tear falling down them, but otherwise he doesn’t bother. Everyone is looking at them. He knows they are, but he can’t pretend not to be hurt right now. All he can feel is his heart in a million pieces. His throat hurts with the effort it takes to keep himself from sobbing. 

At the school, Kageyama is the first to disembark. None of them are required to stay. They had a team meeting after the game, so everyone can go home straight from the bus. Kageyama doesn’t hesitate, leaving the bus and disappearing down the street before Ukai-san is unbuckled, the only reason the door is open is because Takeda-chan does that first once he’s got the bus in park, to let in fresh air. Shouyou doesn’t blame him. They’re all still covered in sweat. 

Shouyou doesn’t rush off like Kageyama, deciding to wait for everyone to leave before moving himself. He doesn’t look at any of his other teammates as he heads toward the bike rack. His stomach turns at the thought of the ride over the mountain. Usually it’s a nice ride, something that helps him burn off any excess energy, but now it feels like an insurmountable task. 

He doesn’t say a thing to his team, heading home without a second thought. Although he can see Suga-san, Daichi, Asahi-san, Noyassan, and Ukai-san standing outside the bus. Others are there, but all five of them are looking at him when he leaves. He ignores their looks and heads for home. All he needs to do is have a good long cry, and he’ll be good as new tomorrow.

Doesn’t matter that the person he thought was his best friend was really just mocking him. He’ll be fine. He’ll bounce back. He always does.

* * *

Bouncing back is harder than Shouyou realizes. He hates how this stupid prank has affected the team, but there’s nothing that he can do. He can’t explain why he’s so upset without outing himself and Kageyama will get the last laugh. And he can’t lose. He can’t let Kageyama win. Not for this. Not ever. 

They finally have a day off from club activities and normally Shouyou would be doing some individual practice, perhaps practicing with Kageyama, but he’s decided to go to Tokyo to visit Kenma instead. Kenma wasn’t enthusiastic about the request to visit, but he didn’t say no. And Kenma isn’t expressive, so Shouyou didn’t think that it meant that he was being annoying. Kenma seems to like him fine. And it’s not weird for him to visit a friend on his day off. It’s not.

Any other time he visits, Shouyou would be begging Kenma to take him somewhere, show him something fun that can only be done in the city, but he’s content today with hiding in Kenma’s room while Kenma plays his video games. He doesn’t even need to hear Kenma talk about them. The silence is nice. Kenma keeps on looking at him, but Shouyou is happy to be away from Miyagi and his team. They’ve been on eggshells around him and trying to figure out what’s wrong, but he can’t bring himself to say anything. Kenma is a good friend, quiet and unobtrusive, letting Shouyou hide in his room without demanding why he and Kageyama suddenly can’t work together anymore.

Not that Kenma would know anything about that. Shouyou has been avoiding talking about volleyball with his friend for at least a week. Kenma has been filling their conversations with games that he’s found interesting, which Shouyou appreciates, but also makes him realize that he should listen to his friend’s interests more as well. It’s odd to be friends with someone who doesn’t love volleyball as much as he or Kag… as much as he does. 

Then there’s a knock at the door, wrecking the wonderful silence Shouyou has been sharing with Kenma. “Thank god,” Kenma mutters and gets up to get the door. Was Kenma doing anything? He didn’t have to put down a gaming device or phone. Kenma is _supposed_ to be playing video games.

Shouyou watches Kenma race to the door with a furrowed brow, mouth dropping open when he sees Nekoma’s captain standing in the doorway when Kenma swings the door open. “What? Answering the door yourself?” Kuroo-san asks, smirk on his face. “You must be desperate.” 

“Shut up,” Kenma responds, tugging Kuroo-san by the arm into the room and shutting the door behind him. “I don’t know what’s wrong with him.” He gestures to Shouyou, who is lying in the middle of Kenma’s bed on his back, an old magazine beside him that he pretended to read earlier before letting himself get lost in his thoughts. 

“Hey!” Shouyou protests. There’s nothing wrong with him. And how does Kenma know that there’s something wrong?! He hasn’t said a word to him about anything!

“You’re asking _me_ to solve your friend drama?” Kuroo-san asks incredulously, eyes comically wide. “I don’t know if I should be flattered or worried.” 

“Why would you be worried?” Kenma asks with a roll of his eyes. “You’re better at talking to people than I am. Fix it.” 

“So demanding,” Kuroo-san chuckles then turns to Shouyou. Shouyou shrinks away from him, forcing himself to frown. Kuroo-san sees stuff and he doesn’t want him to see what’s going on in his mind. “So, Chibi-chan, what has you so upset that you’ve worried poor Kenma here?” He walks toward the bed and stands beside it.

Kenma clicks his tongue in annoyance, but doesn’t deny it. Shouyou shrinks further away from him, but he’s not scared. “Nothing’s wrong,” Shouyou states, frowning harder. Like frowning alone will convince Kuroo-san that everything is fine.

“Stop that,” Kuroo-san says, flicking his forehead. Shouyou makes a noise of surprise and rubs at the sore spot, forgetting that he should still be frowning. “If you frown any harder, your face will get stuck like that,” he teases, kneeling on the floor beside the bed. Kenma comes and sits on the end of the bed, crossing his legs and looking at Shouyou with big eyes. 

Shit. He forgot that Kenma sees more than Kuroo-san. He frowns in Kenma’s direction. “Now, tell your senpai what’s going on,” Kuroo-san coos. 

Kenma grimaces and Shouyou looks at Kuroo-san. “You’re not my senpai,” Shouyou points out, a little boldly. Then he cringes. That was probably a little rude.

Kuroo-san chuckles. “Fair enough, but I _have_ been talking to your senpais and they’re worried about you.” Shouyou’s eyes go wide. He can’t mean– “Daichi and Suga-san,” he clarifies with a smirk. Shouyou groans and puts Kenma’s pillow over his face and hiding whatever expression he’s showing. “And they have been concerned because the dynamic duo haven’t been so dynamic or duo lately. What happened, Chibi-chan?” 

“You’re fighting with Kageyama-kun?” Kenma asks, sounding shocked. 

“No,” Shouyou says into the pillow. It’s not a fight. They actually have to _talk_ in order to fight, and Shouyou has been avoiding that He waits a moment, thinking about what he should say. “I’m not talking with him.” 

“I’d call that a fight, Chibi-chan,” Kuroo-san says. “Could you imagine if me and Kenma stopped talking, or Daichi and Suga-san? You’d call it a fight then.” 

Shouyou pulls the pillow off his face, pressing it into his stomach with his arms. “I haven’t known Kageyama that long.” Which is true. Kenma and Kuroo are childhood friends, and Daichi and Suga have a bond that’s formed over at least a few years. He and Kageyama have only been friends for a few months. “It doesn’t matter.”

“Yeah, but you two have what scientists call ‘chemistry,” Kuroo-san argues, putting air quotes around ‘chemistry’.

Kenma groans, rubbing the bridge of his nose. “I wish you wouldn’t say stuff like that.” 

Kuroo-san smiles. “Yet you love me.” 

“Debatable.” 

They continue to bicker, but Shouyou is stuck on “Yet you love me.” It was said so casually that he can’t mean it the same way that Shouyou thinks he means, of how those words he would hope to apply between him and Kageyama. But the words come so easily and it reminds Shouyou of what he read. Like he still has that stupid notebook in hand and the words are in front of him. 

The feelings from that day resurface with a venagnce, a tidal wave of repressed emotion, a protest against being pushed away for the week, especially every time that Shouyou saw Kageyama’s stupid face. Kageyama is keeping up his act, pretending to be hurt, but Shouyou knows he’s upset that he won’t be able to prank Shouyou anymore. 

Stupid. So stupid. 

He doesn’t realize he’s crying until a sob escapes him. The bickering around him stops. Kenma is staring at him with wide eyes. “Shouyou,” he gasps, looking immediately uncomfortable. Shouyou isn’t surprised. Kenma isn’t good at dealing with feelings; he’s probably worse at it than Kageyama. 

Shouyou hates crying in front of them–he hates crying about this situation _at all–_ but now that he’s started he can’t stop. He turns onto his side, away from them both, from their too-seeing gazes, drawing his knees to his chest and hiding under the pillow again. There’s a warm hand stroking his back. “It’s okay, Chibi-chan. Let it out,” Kuroo-san says soothingly. So he does. Why should he keep it all bottled inside? 

He cries and cries and cries, letting out a full week of disappointment and heartbreak into Kenma’s sheets. He cried that first night, letting out how much it hurt in the cold ruins of his relationship with Kageyama, but refused to give Kageyama the satisfaction of crying any other night (even if he would never see it). 

When the sobbing downgrades to hiccups and he feels like he’s cried his weight from his eyes, he risks a glance at his friends, peeking out from under the pillow. He doesn’t think they’ll laugh at him, but he was wrong about Kageyama so he has no idea what to expect anymore. 

Kenma looks uncomfortable, but he’s trying not to let it show, and Kuroo-san has a soft, understanding smile on his face. Shouyou feels a little better looking at it. At least they aren’t laughing at him. “Feeling better?” he asks gently. 

“No,” Shouyou sniffs. Sure, he’s all cried out, but his heart still hurts. 

Kuroo-san runs a hand through Shouyou’s hair. His hand is big and warm and it feels nice. Shouyou leans into the contact, soothed by it. “You want to talk about it?” 

“No.” 

“Okay, well, I just need to know if we have to hate Kageyama now,” Kuroo-san says easily. Shouyou blinks at him. “I mean, he’s kind of annoying and grumpy, but I never hated him.” 

Shouyou has to swallow the urge to defend Kageyama. Kageyama _is_ annoying and grumpy, but it’s not okay for just _anyone_ to say that. “Why would you need to hate him?” 

Kuroo-san blinks. “Because that’s what friends do.” 

Shouyou frowns. “We’re friends?” Kenma bursts out laughing and Shouyou realizes his faux pas, face going red. “I-I-I mean it’s not that I don’t want to be,” he says quickly, like if he talks fast enough, they can forget what he said. “It’s just that we don’t really talk or hang out and I just…” the words stop. He has no idea how to salvage this.

Kuroo-san doesn’t look offended, though. In fact, he looks rather amused. “Don’t worry, Chibi-chan, I’m not offended, Tsukki is a lot more mean.” He chuckles. “ Anyway, you’re Kenma’s friend, and Kenma is my best friend. So his friends are mine.” 

“Sorry,” Kenma says. Shouyou giggles at that, earning him a small smile from Kenma. But the smile doesn’t last long. “What happened, Shouyou? I didn’t know you could get so upset.” 

Shouyou shrugs, looking away. Kuroo-san is still petting his head. “Well, he’s always done things 110%, it only makes sense that sadness would be the same,” Kuroo-san says softly. “But what could make you so upset?” 

“Kageyama is making fun of me,” Shouyou admits, pouting. 

Kuroo-san and Kenma frown. “How?” Kenma asks. 

“Yeah, I’ve seen him be _mean_ but not like… he doesn’t make fun of people. He sort of…” Kuroo-san pauses. “...Kageyama just says what’s on his mind and it usually rubs people the wrong way.” 

“He didn’t _say_ anything,” Shouyou says, not believing that he’s talking about this, but that teeny admission eased the hurt in his heart, so telling more has to be better, right? Both of them are staring at him, waiting for him to continue. “He wrote it…” 

“Wrote it? How?” Kuroo-san asks. 

“It was like a letter… but like not a letter,” he explains. 

“How?” Kuroo-san repeats, sounding exasperated. Kenma is watching him with those big eyes. He feels like he might as well be fully exposed with how hard both of them are looking at him. Can’t they look away?

“Well… I found it in a book… I didn’t know it was his book though, it was an accident. I only read a bit to try and figure out who it belonged to, since the contact information at the start was left blank. And like there was nothing inside that was… his… until I got to the part where he talked to me.” 

“He talked to you?” Kenma asks, frowning. Kuroo-san is mimicking the expression. 

“Yes and no? I mean, he was talking _about_ me then he started talking _to_ me and… it was just a cruel prank…” 

“Hold on,” Kuroo-san says, holding up his hands. “Did you read… his journal?” 

Shouyou shakes his head. “No. I would never read someone’s private journal.” 

“Then what did you read?” Kuroo-san asks. 

“It was a fake journal,” he states firmly. “It was so stupid. There was no way Kageyama would write something like that down and just leave it for anyone to find.” Kuroo-san’s mouth has dropped open and Kenma’s eyes have gone wide. Shouyou feels a wave of unease at their open surprise. “It was stupid!” he repeats, more firmly. “He was saying all this nice stuff about me and he’s _never_ been nice to me! He calls me stupid and insults me when I play volleyball!” Shouyou can feel tears filling his eyes again. He wipes at them angrily. “He’s so mean to me, all the time, but… but…” He hiccups, choking back sobs. 

“But what, Shouyou?” Kenma asks gently. 

He looks at his friend, and has a second to ponder if he’ll ruin his friendship with what he’s about to admit. Does it matter though? It’s easier to avoid Tokyo than someone on his own team. “I wanted it to be true…” he admits, feeling like he’s torn something from his chest. It can’t be his heart because it still traitorously beats, but the hole is just as big. “I still want it to be true, all those nice things he said...” he whispers, wiping his eyes again. “I’m pathetic.” 

“Alright, this calls for desperate measures,” Kuroo-san says and stands up. Shouyou watches in confusion as he climbs onto the bed behind Shouyou and pulls him to his chest. He has half a mind to resist, but then Kenma is on the other side, laying down on his chest, spreading out over him like a cat. 

Shouyou is wide-eyed. “You guys really are like cats,” he mutters. 

“Laugh all you want, it’s the best medicine,” Kuroo-san says easily. Shouyou wants to argue, but the closeness and warmth from both of them helps ease the pain. He eventually settles in more comfortably, even putting his arms around Kenma to keep him close. It’s nice. And Kuroo-san is petting his head again. 

“Alright, Chibi-chan, time to lay out some facts and let’s figure this out, yeah?” 

Shouyou tenses, but talking about it is probably best. “Okay?” 

Kuroo-san freezes for a moment. “Just like that?” 

Shouyou shrugs. “Talking is helping.” 

Kuroo-san laughs in disbelief. “Wow… okay… let’s hash this out.”

* * *

Tobio has given this a lot of thought. There’s a lot of things that he’s had to think about, and every thought has been jumbled up so much that he can’t even write them down. It’s so hard for him to think of the right thing to do, so he focuses on exactly what he knows instead of what he’s feeling. Facts are easier than feelings. 

So here’s what he knows: Hinata has read his journal, Hinata didn’t like what he read, and the team has been suffering because of it. Following simple logic, it’s easy to see that the imbalance on the team is his fault, so he needs to take responsibility for it. Simple enough. It’s embarrassing, but the team has to come before his own comfort. If he’s learned anything from playing with Karasuno, it’s that team means everything. They rise together, they fall together. Relying on one person is unrealistic and will only lead to pain. 

But here, he knows that his actions have directly caused a rift in the team, so he sets up a meeting with Coach Ukai for their day off. It’s been a week of trying to see if Hinata is ready to talk, a week of waiting for Hinata to tell everyone and to be shunned by his only friends, but it never happens. Instead, Tobio wonders if this is worse: Hinata is ignoring him. Pointedly so. Everyone can see the rift between them, like a bottomless chasm, and no one knows what to do. Tsukishima has even kept his mouth shut about it, which isn’t good. 

Tobio knows that when he talks to Ukai-san, he might be asked to resign from the team, but the team has to come first and, honestly, he doesn’t know who else to talk to. Ukai-san is separate from the school, unlike Takeda-san, who might be more sympathetic. There’s a degree of separation from the team as well. He thought about talking with Daichi, but the thought of his peers knowing, even someone as trustworthy as Daichi, chills him to the bone. 

Suga-san might be the best choice, but he’s sure that he tells Daichi everything and as Vice-Captain, Tobio can’t blame him. Ukai-san isn’t his first choice, but he thinks that their coach looks rebellious enough to keep this a secret from their advisor if Tobio asks him to. 

So Tobio has a meeting set up with Ukai-san. Not for practice, like Noyassan or Yamaguchi. He could see that Noyassan was confused when he denied going for individual practice, but Tobio needs to sort this stuff out before it’s too late. He’s meeting Ukai-san in front of his family’s shop. He’s hoping that Ukai-san will be able to go somewhere private to discuss this, but he would understand why he wouldn’t want to. 

Ukai-san is dressed casually, but in nicer clothes than he would wear to practice. Normally Ukai-san will wear a tracksuit, but now he’s wearing some well-worn jeans, a large hoodie, and his piercings are in. It’s a little weird, but Tobio did ask to see him on their day off. “Ah, Kageyama-kun, there you are,” he greets warmly with a small wave. There’s nothing forced in his smile. 

“Sorry to ask to see you on your day off,” Tobio says in return, offering a small bow. 

Ukai-san waves him off. “Don’t think about it. You never really get a day off from coaching. So what did you want to talk about?”

Tobio shifts uncomfortably, highly aware of the small black notebook clutched in his hands. “Is there somewhere private we can talk?” 

Ukai-san frowns slightly and rubs the back of his neck. “Uh, sure.” He looks around. “I think I know a place, come on.” He turns and Tobio follows behind him, eyes on the ground. A million scenarios play through his mind. He tries to visualize what he can say, visualizing always helps him on the court and sometimes it’s helped off the court, but he can’t picture anything. He can’t think of anything to say, or what will happen. So rarely does he go into a situation without an idea of where it could possibly end up. 

“Here we are,” Ukai-san says, breaking through Tobio’s thoughts. Tobio looks up and it looks like they’re in some secluded park. They’re surrounded by trees and there’s a weatherworn picnic table to the side. Tobio isn’t sure how they got here, but it seems private enough. Ukai-san takes a seat first and Tobio sits across from him. 

Being in a private space helped ease some of the fear he has of being overheard, but now he has new nerves of actually talking about what’s happening. “Uhhh,” Tobio says, unsure where to start. 

“Do you want to talk about what’s happening between you and Hinata lately?” Ukai-san asks plainly. 

Tobio feels his cheeks heat up. “Yes.” 

“Not that you can’t talk to me, but why not talk to Daichi-san, or Suga-san, or even Azumane-san? It might be better to talk to your peers.” 

Tobio shakes his head. “I’m not sure how they’ll react and, as the coach, I would hope that you could make the best decision for the team.” 

Ukai-san frowns. “What happened?” 

“Hinata read some of this,” Tobio says, putting the book on the table between them. He would put it further but it feels like it takes all of his effort to put it as far as he has. “I marked the part that I think he read... “ There’s a small bookmark sticking out near the back of the book, close to the more recent entries. 

Ukai-san’s frown deepens and he picks up the book carefully. He opens to the page that’s been marked and closes it quickly after barely looking at it. “This is your journal, Kageyama-kun. You shouldn’t be showing me this.” 

“I don’t know how else to explain what happened,” Tobio says quickly.

“Still, Kageyama, this is private, you shouldn’t be showing this to me. Especially me.” 

Tobio ducks his head. “I don’t know who else to talk to about this…” 

There’s a couple of moments of tense silence before Ukai-san sighs heavily. “Okay… I’ll read it, but only to understand the context, alright?” Tobio nods his head quickly, relieved. He won’t have to explain it out loud. 

More silence falls between them, this time punctuated with the whisper of a page turning after a few minutes. Then Ukai-san sighs heavily again. The book is passed back to him, which Tobio takes gratefully and puts it on his lap. “So he reacted badly,” Ukai-san states. 

Tobio’s shoulders rise up and he nods. “I don’t know what to do.” 

“Have you talked to him since he read this?” 

Tobio shakes his head. “Hinata won’t look at me.” 

Ukai-san sighs again. “I should’ve guessed as much. It’s hard to miss that you two aren’t working together anymore.” 

“I’m sorry.” 

“It takes two to fight, Kageyama,” Ukai-san says evenly. “And how did Hinata read your journal? If he stole it from you then you should be upset that he violated your privacy like that.” 

“It wasn’t Hinata’s fault,” Tobio says firmly, glaring at Ukai-san. “He didn’t do it on purpose.” 

“Alright. So how did he end up reading that?”

Tobio’s cheeks burn again. “I… I carry it around with me.” 

“Why?”

“I’m… I’ve been told, for as long as I can remember, that I’m bad at knowing how to act, so when I was younger, my parents took me to see a counselor. They suggested that I write stuff down, so I do. And I’ve just always done it…”

Ukai-san frowns at him. “Why do you carry it around though? A journal is a very private thing.”

“It’s hard for me to focus when I don’t know what to do… so I had to start carrying it around so I could write in it when I felt… too much,” Tobio admits. It feels weird to be talking about his journalling.

“So what happened?” 

Tobio shrugged. “I was packing up my stuff and it must have fallen out of my bag. I went to go and look for it and Hinata had already found it.” His chest hurts at the memory. “He was upset.” He rubs his chest, eyes stinging a bit, but he won’t cry. “And it’s my fault.” 

“What did you do wrong, Kageyama?” Ukai-san asks gently. Tobio stares at his coach, surprised at the question. Ukai-san has a soft look on his face. “You have some feelings.” He shrugs. “That just means you’re human.” 

It’s such an easy acceptance that it takes Tobio off-guard. “It’s…” he takes a deep breath. “It’s… not wrong?”

Ukai-san shakes his head. “No, it’s not. You like Hinata. I’m not surprised. You guys got along pretty well.” His face falls. “It has to hurt to be treated so coldly.” 

Again, it’s so easy. And it’s too much for Tobio. His eyes fill with tears and he hunches over, a sob breaking from his chest. He tries to wipe at the tears, but he can’t keep up with how fast they fall. “It’ll be okay, Kageyama,” Ukai-san says, patting him on the head. 

“It does hurt,” Tobio admits. He wipes at his eyes again. “He’s my best friend and I can’t…I can’t even talk to him. He can’t stand to look at me.” And it does really hurt. He thought the pain of his hidden feelings hurt, but not having Hinata in his life _at all_ is so much worse. 

“Why don’t you try talking to him? Explaining some stuff to him?” 

“Like what?” 

“Well… why don’t you explain that you’re not going to force him to do anything?” 

Tobio snaps his attention to his coach, eyes wide. “I wouldn’t!” 

Ukai-san holds up his hands. “I know that, that’s why you should explain that to him. Especially if he’s uncomfortable around you.” 

“Uncomfortable?” Tobio repeats in confusion. “He hates me.”

“Ah…” Ukai-san rubs the back of his neck and looks uncomfortable. “It’s not really my place to jump into the middle of this, but I don’t think Hinata is only mad at you.” 

“Only?” 

“He looks like he’s been hurt,” Ukai-san states bluntly and Tobio flinches. “He looks mad at you because of something he thinks you did, but I think he looks more hurt than angry. I think you two really need to talk, clear this up between you. Because not talking isn’t working one bit.” 

“He won’t talk to me though.” 

Ukai-san shrugs. “You have to though. You guys have the day off from each other today, maybe that’ll give him some space to think about it and he’ll be ready to talk.” 

“What would I even say?” 

‘Well,” Ukai-san sighs, “you have to be honest with him.”

“But I have been honest. He’s seen my journal,” Tobio argues, confused, fingers tensing around the book in his lap. “I can’t be anymore honest.” 

“That’s true,” he concedes, “but, it’s a lot different to hear something out loud than to read it, ya know?” 

Tobio _doesn’t_ know, but Ukai-san looks like he’s so much better at talking to people. The easy way in which he talks to sensei, and the neighborhood association, and even other people on the team. Ukai-san is easy to talk to, and it looks like it’s easy for him to make friends. So maybe Tobio should defer to him on this, since the only friend he’s made in the past couple years has been because said friend wouldn’t leave no matter how mean he was. “What do I say?” Tobio asks.

Ukai-san shrugs. “The truth? Just be honest with him, but make sure that you listen, too.” 

“Listen?” 

“Yeah,” Ukai-san waves his hand around. “When you get all worked up, you start talking at people, expecting them to follow whatever you say and whatnot. It’s not bad for volleyball, not entirely, but this is different. You have to listen to what Hinata has to say, and you have to respect it.’

“I’m not sure I understand…” 

“Sometimes, you can be honest, you can say all the right stuff, but it doesn’t work out the way you want it to.” Ukai-san looks pained. Is he speaking from experience? “Sometimes life just doesn’t go the way you want it to, but you’ll have to try to fix it or move on if it doesn’t work out. Do you understand?” 

Tobio swallows heavily and nods. “I think so.” He thinks for a moment. “I don’t want things to change,” he whispers. 

“I’m sorry, Tobio-kun, but they already have.” 

Well… Ukai-san isn’t wrong in that sense. “What if he doesn’t want to talk to me ever again?” Tobio asks, terrified of the answer. 

“If he stops talking to you over this… well… maybe Hinata isn’t a friend worth having.” 

Tobio hates that answer. He doesn’t want to stop talking to Hinata. Even if Hinata only wanted to remain friends, Kageyama could live with that. It would suck, and he’s certain that he’d never be able to think about anyone else, but he could do it. Because having Hinata in his life, even as a friend, is better than not having Hinata in his life at all. He knows that from experience. 

Although it’s impossible to imagine Hinata being a horrible friend. Ukai-san says that, but Tobio can’t picture a world without Hinata being a good friend in it. “Listen, Kageyama,” Ukai-san continues, “when you talk to Hinata again… I don’t want to get involved, but if you think there will be a negative effect on the team, come and talk to me, and I’ll have a chat with Hinata, okay?” 

Tobio’s eyes go wide. He’s not sure why exactly. Maybe surprise? Ukai-san gives him a gentle smile. “You guys have personal lives, I know that, but on the court, we have to forget all that stuff. All that matters is the next play. If either of you can’t do that, there are 10 other players who can, okay?” 

Tobio nods, oddly comforted by the sentiment. He doesn’t like the idea of not playing, but he likes the idea that his team can stand strong when he’s feeling weak. He’s never felt that before: like he can lean on his team. He’s always felt like the one who’s had to carry his team, had to be strong, but that’s always lead to him cracking under the pressure of his expectation. 

Then it hits him. After this, he still has his team. Ukai-san isn’t asking him to resign, he’s making plans to help deal with anything that comes out of this situation with Hinata. It’s such a relief that Tobio starts crying again. “Hey, hey,” Ukai-san says soothingly. “What’s wrong?”

“I'm just… I thought I’d have to quit the team,” Tobio admits, wiping his face. 

“Tobio,” Ukai-san states in a tone that has Tobio looking up. His coach’s face is serious and he’s looking straight into Tobio’s eyes. “You are part of this team. You’ve worked hard and I don’t want to lose you. I’ll fight to keep you here if anyone has issue, okay?” Tobio nods, overwhelmed. “And if anyone on the team has issue, you come and talk to me, okay? I won’t tolerate bullying on my team.” 

Tobio nods, overwhelmed. “And, hey,” he continues gently, “it’ll work out. It might suck, it might hurt, but it’ll be okay. Okay?” 

Tobio sniffs, nodding again. “Okay.” 

* * *

It takes two more days of awkwardness for Tobio to get to talk to Hinata alone. Hinata doesn’t look so angry anymore, but he still doesn’t look at Tobio all that often. Tobio has taken Ukai-san’s advice to heart about needing to leave his personal stuff off the court, so his game has improved a lot compared to that initial week, even if the interactions with Hinata are still uneasy. Tobio can’t say that the uneasiness is only on Hinata’s part because he’s still a little uncomfortable around Hinata and sometimes it shows. He tries his best, but it isn’t easy to do. 

And his chance to ask Hinata to talk comes at a weird time, when it takes them a moment to realize that they are the only two in the equipment room while cleaning up. Hinata has made an effort to not be alone in the same room as him and Tobio has tried not to notice it. The only reason that Tobio is even able to ask is because Hinata happens to be further inside the room and Tobio is standing in the doorway.

Their interaction is short, stilted, and they don’t look at each other, but Hinata agrees to meet up with him after practice. It’s under the guise of walking home together, something that they haven’t done since the start of this whole debacle, but they’re finally going to talk. Tobio’s stomach is filled with butterflies and he can’t keep his hands from shaking, but he’s excited to finally talk. He’s been thinking about his and Ukai-san’s talk and there has to be something to what he’s saying because after their day off, Hinata wasn’t so cold to him. Hinata needed space, and he’s hoping they’ll be back to normal after this talk. 

So they finish up, Tobio changing first and waiting out by the bike rack for Hinata. They’ll walk most of the way together then go their separate ways, like they’ve done a million times before. Maybe things will go back to normal once they’re able to talk. Ukai-san said things have changed, but maybe things can go back to the way they were? 

Soft footsteps and Tobio is standing straight up. Hinata is walking towards him, hands on the strap of his bag and he’s not looking up at him, but he’s moving surely towards him. Tobio’s throat tightens and he takes a step back to give Hinata room to collect his bike. Hinata’s movements are jerky and Tobio has a moment of panic that Hinata will jump on his bike and race away, but he doesn’t. He walks his bike and Tobio falls into step beside him on the other side, leaving the bike as a small barrier between them. 

Then they walk together in silence. Tobio asked to talk, but he has no idea what to _say_. He honestly didn't expect to get this far, some part of him believing that Hinata would continue to avoid him even if things haven’t been as bad between them. “So... “ Tobio says, unsure and afraid to look at Hinata. He’s staring at Hinata’s hands on the handlebars of his bike and he watches the knuckles turn white. “I heard you went to Tokyo on our day off,” he finishes, cursing himself for being a coward. Why can’t he be straightforward like Ukai-san? 

“I did,” Hinata confirms, grip still tight. “I saw Kenma and Kuroo-san.” 

“Did you practice with them?” Tobio asks. “I know you like having Kenma toss for you.” He hates how jealousy burns like acid on his tongue. Hinata is allowed to have friends, he’s allowed to have other setters in his life, but Tobio can’t help the surge of possessiveness over Hinata. He knows just how easy it is to fall for the short middle and he doesn’t want Hinata to be stolen away. 

“No… Kenma is nearly impossible to convince to play when he doesn’t have to,” Hinata states, sounding like he might be smiling, but Tobio is still too scared to look up to confirm. “I usually spend the day out in the city with him. It’s so busy out there, and loud… it’s fun to explore.” 

Tobio nods in agreement, even if he doesn’t totally understand. He’s not a huge fan of cities because they’re so crowded, and the loudest thing he likes is a packed gymnasium, but he’s glad Hinata has things that he likes. “Although I wish he’d get more into playing volleyball…” Hinata says wistfully. “I don’t understand why he doesn’t. I don’t think there’s anything more fun.” 

Tobio swallows heavily. He agrees, for the most part, but he would have to say that there’s nothing more fun than playing volleyball _with Hinata_. He stops walking, Hinata continuing for a few steps before looking back in confusion. “Kageyama?” 

“I need to talk about it,” he states, blunt as ever. He needs to get what he wants to say out. 

Something flashes in Hinata’s eyes, but it’s hard to make out what it is. The sun is already mostly down and there are shadows stretched everywhere. But Hinata’s jaw is firm and he nods. “Me, too.” 

“I don’t know what to say, though.” 

There’s a small smile. “Me either.” 

That admission eases some of the tension Tobio feels, but he doesn’t relax completely. Tobio wants to restate everything he wrote, but it’s like there’s a block in his throat. He’s also certain that Hinata would react negatively, again, to hearing it, but it’s what he wants to say, even if he shouldn’t. But Ukai-san said that he should state it out loud, that he should be honest. “I’m sorry,” Tobio says after a few moments. 

Hinata’s eyes go wide. “You’re sorry?”

“I didn’t want to make uncomfortable, or mess things up between us. And I… I really messed up.” 

“Yeah, you did.” 

Tobio flinches, but he should’ve expected something like this. “I’m sorry.” 

“I thought you were better than that, Kageyama,” Hinata continues, sounding firm, but he looks… something looks off on his face. Tobio wishes he wasn’t so bad at reading people. 

“I know, I’m sorry.” It hurts that Hinata is saying these things, but at least he’s not yelling. 

“I mean, I would expect something like this from Tsukishima–” _Tsukishima?_ “–or… I don’t know anyone else. But I thought you were my friend, I know friends prank each other, but this was taking it too far–”

“Prank?” Tobio repeats in confusion. “What prank?” 

Hinata freezes, eyes wide. “What prank?” he repeats. “The prank you’re apologizing for.” 

Tobio blinks. “I’m not… I’m apologizing because I obviously upset you.”

“You don’t think what you did was wrong?” 

There’s a flash of something inside him that’s burning. Ukai-san’s words flash in his mind. “It’s not wrong to have feelings, Hinata,” he growls. 

“Then why were you making fun of mine?!” Hinata yells. It’s too loud for the street. He grabs Hinata’s arm and drags him away into the shadows of some trees in a park. Hinata is complaining about being manhandled and calling him “Bakeyama” but Tobio doesn’t listen. He lets go of Hinata when they’re hidden from the street, but he has to stand closer so he can still see Hinata’s face. “That hurt, Kageyama,” Hinata pouts, adjusting his bike so it’s leaning against him and so he can rub at the sore arm. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Hinata,” Tobio whispers. 

“You literally just dragged me–”

“Not that,” Tobio cuts him off, feeling a familiar surge of annoyance in his belly. “When was I ever making fun of you?” 

“With that stupid, fake journal,” Hinata responds easily, still pouting. It’s cute, but Tobio can’t be distracted by that. 

“Fake journal?” he asks, fingers itching to reach into his bag for said journal, but he’s forced himself to leave it in his room, too scared of a repeat of someone finding it. He still wants to reach into his bag for the pocket inside where he kept it, even if he knows that space will be empty. 

Hinata is staring at him now. “It wasn’t fake?” he asks, voice small. “You keep a journal?”

Tobio blushes and ducks his head. “If you’re going to make fun of me–”

“It wasn’t fake,” Hinata states. Tobio looks up and is surprised to see open horror on Hinata’s face. “I read your journal, your real journal, oh my god.” He shrinks away from Tobio, tears quickly filling his eyes.

“What’s wrong?” Tobio asks quickly, terrified.

“Oh my god! I read your real journal!” Tears are falling down Hinata’s face and Tobio feels helpless watching them. “I read the for real one! I’m the worst! Oh my god! I’m so sorry, Kageyama! I didn't mean to!” He’s yelling again, and talking faster with each word. “I’m so sorry! I bet you hate me–”

“I think it’s clear that I love you, you dumbass,” Tobio mutters. 

Hinata’s mouth snaps shut when he speaks. Then he turns red very fast. Tobio worries that Hinata has overheated, but the air is chilly and their team jackets don’t keep them _that_ warm. “Ohmygod, everythingIreadwastrue. Ican’tbelieveIreadyourjournal, ohmygod,” Hinata says in one breath. 

Tobio blinks, trying to decipher what he heard. “Yeah, it was my real journal?” He means it to be a statement, but he doesn’t understand what’s happening so it sounds like a question. 

“What are you doing carrying something like that around?!” Hinata yells, face still a red as a tomato.

“I carried it around to… to write in it?” Tobio answers, still confused. 

“Why?! Why would you take that out of your bedroom?!” 

Tobio is still so confused, but now confusion is giving way to annoyance. “Because I write in it!” he yells back. “That’s what people _do_ with journals!” 

“Why did you just leave it for anyone to find?!” Hinata shouts. 

“It fell out of my bag! I was coming back to get it before someone read it!” Hinata is now staring at him, eyes wide with fear. Tobio thinks about what they have talked about so far. He blinks. “Did you ask me if I was making fun of your feelings?” 

Hinata’s face turns even more red, somehow. He looks away, crossing his arms over his chest. Then he puts his arms to his side. Then he crosses them again. “What feelings, Hinata?” 

His shoulders hunch up. “I thought… I thought it was obvious…” 

“It’s not obvious. I don’t know what you’re feeling.”

“Oh…” Hinata shifts. “So… can we go back?” he asks. “To-to how we were before?” 

Tobio debates on taking the easy way out, just forgetting everything that’s happened and pretending that they weren’t fighting, or not talking to one another. That Hinata never found his personal journal. It seems like it would be so easy to do… but… he thinks about his conversation with Ukai-san. As much as he wants to go back, as much as he would love to pretend, things have already changed between them. They can’t really go back. And something in Tobio’s gut tells him to continue down this path. “I don’t know if I can.” 

Hinata shrinks in on himself. “I get it… you probably hate me for reading your journal. I mean, I get it.” He grabs onto the handlebars of his bike and starts backing away with tiny, shuffling steps. “I don’t think I’d forgive me either.” 

Tobio resists the urge to grab Hinata to keep him in place. “Hinata, I like you.” Hinata freezes in place. “I know you didn’t mean to read it, and I’m not upset about it. I’m embarrassed, sure, but I’m not upset. Everything you read… it’s true. I really like you, Hinata. I think about you a lot and you make me really, really happy.” Hinata is staring at him, open mouthed. “You already know. You don’t have to worry about me, though. I know it’s made you uncomfortable, but you don’t have to worry about me. I won’t do anything. I just… you already know and… you don’t have to worry.” 

Hinata is not moving. He’s not even blinking. “You’re a really good friend, Hinata, and I don’t want to lose that. I hope I won’t lose you over this. But I’ll understand if you don’t want to talk to me anymore, I just… hope that you’ll still play volleyball with me.” 

He has to look away, feeling very exposed. Hinata doesn’t say anything. Tobio wonders if he messed everything up. He’s thinking of something he could possibly say to salvage this. Before he can think of anything, there’s a clattering noise from Hinata. Tobio looks up in time to see that Hinata has jumped toward him. He has a second to catch Hinata, but he can’t keep on his feet. 

He grunts as he falls backward, landing hard on his behind. He has no time to berate Hinata for acting so recklessly before Hinata is kissing him. It’s weird: he’s squishing Tobio’s cheeks so his lips are pursed weird and he’s sitting weird in Tobio’s lap.

It’s so weird… 

… but perfect. 

He gently eases Hinata’s hold on his face, so he has control over what his lips are doing and closes his eyes. The kiss turns more gentle, Hinata’s head moving one way, Tobio’s the other way, and Hinata settles. Tobio’s hands settle around Hinata’s waist and Hinata wraps his arms around Tobio’s neck.

When Hinata pulls back, he’s panting. Tobio isn’t breathing that hard. “I can’t breathe,” Hinata gasps. 

“Breathe through your nose, dumbass,” Tobio says absently, the insult falling from his lips easily. He wants to feel worried about insulting Hinata immediately after being kissed by him, but he feels so happy that he doesn’t feel worried. Then his eyes go wide. “You just kissed me,” he states.

Hinata glares at him playfully. “Glad to see you’re caught up.” 

“Why did you kiss me?” 

“I think it’s obvious.” 

Tobio blinks, trying to think of an obvious answer. “Do you like me back?” he asks after a short moment of silence where he’s just thinking. 

Hinata bursts out laughing, a beautiful smile lights up his whole face. “Yes, that means I like you, Bakeyama.” 

Tobio’s mind goes blank. He never considered this outcome. Best case scenario would be staying friends after his confession. He never considered this as the best case scenario. He tightens his hold around Hinata’s waist. “Do you want to be my boyfriend, Hinata?” Tobio asks, looking up at Hinata’s face. 

Hinata’s smile turns gentle and he nods, brushing Tobio’s hair behind his ear. “Yeah, I’d really like that.” Tobio’s heart bursts in his chest and Hinata leans down to kiss him again, short and sweet. Then he whispers against Tobio’s lips. “And Tobio?” 

“Yeah?” he asks, eyes half lidded, heart bursting again at being called by his given name. 

“Call me Shouyou.” 

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading! Comments and kudos are always welcome! I hope you enjoyed!


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